*WARNING- THIS IS A RANT JOURNAL*

How bloody fucking fantastic.

In addition to my height complex, I am now worried that I am boring.

As a certain friend, or 'friend' of mine was at such great pains to point out to me today, the way I tell things is apparently 'disinteresting'.

Now, I have to pick one of two options to believe

1- She was doing it to be mean, and it's not true, in which case I have officially lost all respect for her, although I very much doubt that this option is true, because, seriously, even I wouldn't be THAT cruel,

and,

2-It IS true, and I AM disinteresting, and she was telling me her honest opinion.

So, either way, both options are looking pretty damn bleak for me. I spent my entire piano lesson venting my anger into a Chopin etude and attempting to hold back my tears so as not to alarm my poor teacher/friend who was already in a delicate state of mind herself (something about some guys..).

So, here I find myself, literally two and a half hours later, STILL venting my anger into the very same Chopin etude. I just got off the piano and am now venting my anger into a DA journal.

If you've kept with me so far, you are a bloody saint.

I honestly don't know what to feel right now. Over the past few hours I have experienced depression, anger, numbness and hard, cold fury. And it's not just that ONE thing she said to me. It's all the little things that make me wonder why the hell she bothers calling me a friend. I listen to her, I let her vent at me when she needs to, I let her tell me the silly little stories about her life, like any good friend does. When she gets an obsession, I play along with it, make her feel appreciated, laugh when I should laugh, etc.

What do I get in return?

The minute I open my mouth about something I care about, or find funny, I get cut off with an 'Alex, I don't care.'

And as I am writing and recalling all of this, I am actually shaking with fury, in the most literal sense possible. My entire body is convulsing, and it's getting quite hard to type.

Now, I am not naming any names, but You know who You are, and if You are reading this, trust me, I am going to repeat all of this in more detail to Your face on Tuesday when we get back to school.

For now, I think I am going to have to just tie myself down and watch Gossip Girl before I don't break something.

Alex- out.